No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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