i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
