I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
