can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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