Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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