Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
