My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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