i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
