He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
