Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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