So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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