I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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