you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
