I seem to have left my pride at pride
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
