what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
