genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
