I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
