Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
