Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
