threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
