Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
