dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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