just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
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