He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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