why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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