i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
