Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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