You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
