So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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