You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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