Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
