Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
