Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I know her cup size but not her name....
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
