New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
