they need to just BURY HIM!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
