Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
