I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize