I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
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I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
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My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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