no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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