Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
