My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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