No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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