If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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