Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
love makes seman taste better
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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