Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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