Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
