She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
