Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize