he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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