the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
