Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
