Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize