you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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