She said her name was "party"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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