He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
