I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
