im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
