i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I fill condoms, not promises.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
