1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
