Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
