if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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