'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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