I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize