maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
