i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
And then my night got REAL pukey
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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