that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
