This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
