so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
