it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Randomize
